After have writing this blog, I realized it does not do the
least bit of justice of the past year of my life. Nevertheless, I have tried to
give you a perspective of what it has been like here stateside as a once full
time missionary.
Exactly a year has come and passed since the last time I
stepped a foot in Perú. I remember it like it was yesterday; hopping in the
taxi to go to the bus that would (hopefully) eventually lead to the airport.
Oddly enough, I find myself this morning in strikingly similar fashion as I
would any given morning in Puno; bundled in a blanket with a hoodie on,
commentary, journal and Bible in front of me, and a coffee not far to my right.
But a lot has happened since then and now, the journey has been equally as
stretching and has fostered ample growth.
Not a single day goes by when I don't think about Peru, its
people, an experience I had there, or the Church. When I first arrived,
everything I did or said or thought was made in comparison to something in
Peru. I quickly learned to muzzle those thoughts as no one could relate or
possibly care. As time went on, I didn't depreciate the value of those thoughts
but learned to control them in a way that was healthy, with the help of other
missionaries and friends. There isn’t a lot in common with the American culture
and the Peruvian culture but I was always finding a way to bridge the gap. More
and more, I couldn’t bring myself to accept the materialistic, greedy American
culture as status quo. Many people say it’s simply culture, it’s consumerism
and we drive the world. However, with my Christian convictions I find there is
a line between right and wrong, responsibility and excess. We, as Americans
have crossed that line.
It seems as if everything that would normally to happen
during the process of reentry was amplified by the fact that I rejoined the
upscale, liberal arts university I had once attended, Olivet. I don't even know
where to begin as to what I experienced at my arrival to Olivet last autumn.
The greed and materialism, the wastefulness, the spiritual stagnancy, the
immaturity, the missional inaccuracy, to name a few conjured up so many
feelings inside me. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I have decided to refrain
from expounding upon those subjects, although now I speak of them with love
whereas before I can tell you that I did not. (Also, I previously participated
ignorantly in all of the aforementioned activities too.)
As a result of seeing such perdition in the American culture
and Olivet, I cultured myself hastily to become arrogant. Arrogant towards
others in their walks with Christ, towards their aspirations, towards their
beliefs and worldview, even towards their
culture. Instead of humbling myself and praying, as my natural instinct
was before, I was filled with pride because of my own superiority to them. In
the recent months, God showed me this pride that I was trying so desperately to
avoid. Now arrogance has turned to love once again at this realization and God tearing at my flesh. Do not misunderstand, I do
not settle for mediocrity in others in their faith. Too much tolerance in that
respect, simply, is not love. I continue to push others and myself to have a more meaningful faith, but from a loving perspective and not as a judgement.
There were bright spots at ONU. I found other peers who were
mature in their faith and worldview, people whom I newly met or who had also grown
over the years while I was MIA. For those few, I could not have been more
thankful. I specifically remember a time when missionaries of 25 years to South
Korea came and spoke at an event that Heart 4 Missions was hosting. That
couple, the Mercers, put all of my thoughts and frustrations into words. This
was a huge turning point for me, they had answered so much without me having
asked a single question.
One constant in my life that has been most beneficial is the
steady conversations that I have with Geremías (my Peruvian co-church planter /partner in crime for those of
you who don’t know). We are complete opposites in every aspect of life as it
exists, and this has been great. We have averaged skyping once a month since I
have been back. It is refreshing to speak with him and to hear about our church
in Salcedo. He is unlike any other person that I have ever met, and I think other
people can vouch for me on this. He is truly the most humble, loving person I know and he accepts me even after having known me more than anyone else. I am thankful for him and for the convenience of
technology so that we are able to maintain friendship.
For fear of rambling, I leave you with two points: First, the American church is still unsettling to me after a year . We all know a downward spiral when we see it. There are so
many different things I could say but I think that John says it best in his
letter to the Church in Laodicea:
You say, “I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.” But you do not realized that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.
It is time to become poor once again, in more ways than
simply the obvious.
Second, a question that frequently is asked of me: will I go
back to Peru? Yes. To visit? Yes. To live? Probably not. I desire to see my
church brothers and sisters, my inherited aunts and uncles, and perhaps to try
a bite of a churro or have lunch at el Criollo. I think the missional knot has been tied in Peru for my life, but then again it is completely possible that God changes the course on which I find myself (it's happened before).
God bless you all, los quiero mucho; and as always have a
listen to this.
